It's a scene straight from Friends, except I was the outsider looking in.
I was seated in a coffee shop next to a group of female friends, who are in the process of consoling their recently dumped sister. Even if I didn't find their conversation interesting, it would have been impossible not to overhear. The girl wasn't exactly speaking softly. I could sense she was putting on a brave face, masking heartache with sardonic humor and a newly-found disdain for men, and perhaps she was speaking loudly so she could stop hearing a smaller voice somewhere telling her that she was indeed bleeding from the inside.Or that's just me and my psychobabble.
The whole scenario was easily set-up for a Chick-flick-esque male bashing session, but was saved by the lone voice of wisdom who asked a hard question just when everybody was ready to go Amazonian.
"Did you really see yourself marrying this guy anyways?"
And the all-too quick answer, was "No." and then a space of silence, followed by, "Well you know, those are not things you think about until later. You have to start from fun and then follow through."
They had further discussions on this, but my mind was already disengaged. I was too busy asking myself the same question and surprised that I found the girl's reply so completely opposite of how I think.
I have had small opportunities to just have fun when I was younger. I sometimes think if I toned down a bit on the weirdness and intellectual elitism, I might have had fun with a boy or two. Yes, even if I was as big as a whale, I knew I was cute, you know. Years of self-effacing doesn't necessarily mean I think I'm worthless.
But I didn't want to tone it down. I didn't want to lower my standards. Because I knew, I'm not built for casual relationships. I am one mother-effing romantic, and I will give it all I have, and understood that very few people could handle that. SO i have to find the real one. I knew I may make mistakes, but even the mistake should be as close to the real one. I don't say Right one, because, I think that's a Myth. But I do say Real One, because all I want is someone real who loves the real me too.
So when this guy presents himself, I didn't say, "Oh let's have fun first."
I barraged him with torrents of authenticity and waited for him to scream uncle.
The scream never came.
And after three years of torturing him, and receiving his increasingly authentic loving responses to my haranguing, I have an answer to the question too.
"Did you really see yourself marrying the guy anyway?"
Oh, yes. Now more than ever.
Thank goodness he doesn't read my blog though. :D I want to keep him in suspense, for as long as possible.
Hey, i didn't say i didn't like fun. I just think the fun comes after. Fun is best between two people who have found themselves in the middle of something real.
I was seated in a coffee shop next to a group of female friends, who are in the process of consoling their recently dumped sister. Even if I didn't find their conversation interesting, it would have been impossible not to overhear. The girl wasn't exactly speaking softly. I could sense she was putting on a brave face, masking heartache with sardonic humor and a newly-found disdain for men, and perhaps she was speaking loudly so she could stop hearing a smaller voice somewhere telling her that she was indeed bleeding from the inside.Or that's just me and my psychobabble.
The whole scenario was easily set-up for a Chick-flick-esque male bashing session, but was saved by the lone voice of wisdom who asked a hard question just when everybody was ready to go Amazonian.
"Did you really see yourself marrying this guy anyways?"
And the all-too quick answer, was "No." and then a space of silence, followed by, "Well you know, those are not things you think about until later. You have to start from fun and then follow through."
They had further discussions on this, but my mind was already disengaged. I was too busy asking myself the same question and surprised that I found the girl's reply so completely opposite of how I think.
I have had small opportunities to just have fun when I was younger. I sometimes think if I toned down a bit on the weirdness and intellectual elitism, I might have had fun with a boy or two. Yes, even if I was as big as a whale, I knew I was cute, you know. Years of self-effacing doesn't necessarily mean I think I'm worthless.
But I didn't want to tone it down. I didn't want to lower my standards. Because I knew, I'm not built for casual relationships. I am one mother-effing romantic, and I will give it all I have, and understood that very few people could handle that. SO i have to find the real one. I knew I may make mistakes, but even the mistake should be as close to the real one. I don't say Right one, because, I think that's a Myth. But I do say Real One, because all I want is someone real who loves the real me too.
So when this guy presents himself, I didn't say, "Oh let's have fun first."
I barraged him with torrents of authenticity and waited for him to scream uncle.
The scream never came.
And after three years of torturing him, and receiving his increasingly authentic loving responses to my haranguing, I have an answer to the question too.
"Did you really see yourself marrying the guy anyway?"
Oh, yes. Now more than ever.
Thank goodness he doesn't read my blog though. :D I want to keep him in suspense, for as long as possible.
Hey, i didn't say i didn't like fun. I just think the fun comes after. Fun is best between two people who have found themselves in the middle of something real.
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